...to keeping my head in the clouds

A place for me to express myself through muses and images.

Must have list...

I met someone the other day. It wasn't something planned, and when I first met him I didn't think WOW but by the time we had parted ways, I was thinking damn. He has this sexy geek thing going for him and a motorcycle too! I haven't wanted to date since leaving my husband/high school sweetheart/father of my children. I promised myself that I wouldn't, not until I was ready. Ready, how does one ever know they are ready? I don't.

I did test the waters a little. There was this one guy; he was honest when he told me he wasn't married. But later I found out that while not married he was living with his girlfriend of 20+ years and mother of his 3 kids. Apparently, they were having issues and she wasn't being supportive enough. I told him I thought he was great, but give me a call when he was more single.

Like many I have my list. You know the one; he has to have these certain qualities or traits to even pass in to the call back line. Here is mine:

1. Single, yes that means no wife and no girlfriend boys!
2. Employed, I don't care if you’re rich or poor, but a steady job is a must.
3. This is the tricky one and only applies to those with children. Dedicated, kids come first, no if ands or buts. If your kid calls and they need you, you better choose them or me or your friend.
4. Attractive, that is a little shallow (wait till you read number five), I know. But I need to be attracted to the guy and I want to be able to look at him.
5. Endowed, there's just no easy way to say it.
6. Nice, not over the top, but nice. Someone that isn't angry at the world and can enjoy the little things.
7. Confident, I find this is tied to jealous and controlling behaviors which I will not stand for.

So that's it, It's not a long impossible to live up to list, but those little things I will not compromise on. There are other things that I hope for, but those I can bend and flex on.

On to a new world

I have two unfinished MS and one completed. Part of me is drawn to work on these, but they were started wen I was in a different place in my life. I struggle with the idea of whether I should move on instead of revisiting them. I love the plots and the characters, I feel compelled to finish their story, and perhaps one day I will be ready to.

For now I really want to sink my creative juices into is something new and fresh that represents the new me. I have been looking for ME. While I don't think I have found me yet I want to continue to move forward, and the only way I see that happening is to set the old stuff aside. I have a huge desire to write some non-fiction shorts together to submit. But...I have an idea for a new project!

A little racy but with done with class, set in the 20's or 30's. A girl coming of age and entering a brothel looking for a living and ending up with much more. So I defiantly have some research to do, but I love that!

Courage to soldier on

I am not going to punish myself anymore. In the past year I have applied to at least a hundred jobs in the area and outside the state. Ninety percent haven't called or emailed me any kind of response. I have let this invade my psyche, even though I had no really desire to work there and little to no idea who the company was I was applying for.

I knew how ridiculous this was, but couldn't help the desperate and continued search for some direction to my life. Today I walked in the park, enjoying the warmer Northwest Ohio spring day; reflecting on that enduring pull towards the arts. Always a fleeting desire pushed aside by lack of funds or time.

I can admit that those are excuses. When I submit to anything creative I always feel better! In truth, I was writing a few years ago and had all the same stresses I have today, but I felt better. My downfall was writing a manuscript and taking a real honest look at what I wrote. I exposed things I didn't mean to expose. As anyone who has ever done that, knows just how terrifying it is to see your soul bared. This is real writer's block.

I have tried, as this blog shows, to recapture that flow time and time again to no avail.

But what does one thing have to do with the other...EVERYTHING! The past weeks I have been burnt out and frustrated by all the jobs I have applied for to no avail. I have wondered if the powers that be may have something else planed for me and it's time I stop fighting it. I am not going to resolve to write more, but to submit: Two each month.

I will continue to use this space as a diary of sorts, a writers retreat and tale of her pursuits, failures, and successes.